Trauma Informed Parenting

Has your kid ever told you he is trying to do the right thing but his brain (or head, mind etc.) is telling him to do wrong? Maybe you freaked out thinking your kid was losing his mind. You may have also experienced this yourself, you know the old angel and devil on your shoulders image:

The devil typically symbolizes the Amygdala, the angel the Prefrontal Cortex. We will talk more about that below.

Children of Trauma

Maybe you have kids like mine who have some very different things going on in their brains; things you and I cannot even begin to understand. Trauma exacerbates this exponentially. Trauma may give a child an entire new set of thoughts. With trauma, every situation must be scanned diligently to check for danger. Every new person is a threat and every movement could be the one that hurts the child next.

My boys spent many years bouncing from one home to the next; one caregiver to the next. Read more about that here… Every caregiver has a different parenting style, some good, others not so good. The adults in a child’s life help shape the child’s inner voice. These adults become the voice of reason, or of wrong doing in some cases.

With children who have suffered trauma many of them have amygdala that are so over developed and prefrontal cortex that is barely developed that the impulses win. From my research, it seem as though it may just be their past inner voice and current inner voice battling. For example if the trauma is telling them one thing and your teachings and parenting are telling them something else a choice must be made between the two using what they know to be true.

Seeing this in action…

My boys tell me all the time that they know they should listen but their brains tell them not to. We work it out on paper which works for them most of the time. We use a chart to work through it. As far as neuropsychology what is actually happening is the impulse part of the brain (amygdala) is acting on the trauma side, encouraging the same behaviors they were used to while the thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) is trying to actually make sense of the thoughts.

Now ride this out with me we are going on a trip to explore neuropsychology!

Yay! The Brain!

A child who has suffered trauma has an enlarged Amygdala (pronounced a-mig-da-la) which is the part of the brain which controls impulsivity and emotional stimulation. Their prefrontal cortex, or the area where higher order thinking takes place in underdeveloped. Scott P. Edwards (2005) wrote a great article that I reference frequently you can read it here. He writes:

The body’s alarm circuit for fear lies in an almond-shaped mass of nuclei deep in the brain’s temporal lobe. The amygdala, from the Greek word for almond, controls autonomic responses associated with fear, arousal, and emotional stimulation and has been linked to neuropsychiatric disorders, such as anxiety disorder and social phobias. Scientists have recently discovered keys to the neural mechanisms behind the brain’s response to fear, including its extinction, which may help improve treatments for anxiety disorders and other neuropsychiatric conditions. The amygdala is essential for decoding emotions, particularly threatening stimuli. (pp2-3)

The Caveman Brain

Ahh the Amygdala, now this is an area of the brain where I just fell in love with its properties!! The best way I have heard it explained is that the Amygdala is the “caveman” brain: it functions on basics, how to continue living, breathing and functioning contently. If you can visualize this think of a caveman (or cavewoman if you wish). Another analogy for the superhero lover among us: Meet Amygdala, the Attempted Superhero. The little amygdala jumps at every opportunity to protect you, even if there is only an imagined threat.

The amygdala’s main function in life is to keep on living, and stay safe. It is required to react immediately to any stimulus that may be harmful. Now this stimulus may be a saber tooth tiger or a competing hunter, not too many of either around anymore or a scary noise, a “bad guy” etc. which are available at every turn.

The Worthy Opponent  

Then there is the Prefrontal Cortex or the “Professor” or “smart” brain: it functions with high order, logical thinking, cause and effect for example. Here you can visualize a professor, teacher, or instructor. The mission here is to thrive, grow and prosper. The prefrontal cortex has the higher order though process of critical thinking and evaluating situations using all the information available. This part of the brain is where we want to be. I tell my kids, “this is where you should be parking your car”. Now this works for them because A) they love cars B) it is a how we taught them to think of their brain, let me explain.

Where to Park Your Car

So here is the Brain, courtesy of a great Google search, with our two areas outlined:

Now for two little creatures such as my twins to understand such a difficult thing as the brain we told them it was like a really detailed highway. We described it as their past created a bunch of roads that lead to trouble and we need to make new roads.

The best way to do this is to take control of the roads; by driving the car instead of letting the caveman/superhero do it. The Amygdala wants to drive that brain of yours to straight to fight-flight-freeze and the other side of the fork, the side of the road we are trying to build, is the new road, the road where you head to the prefrontal cortex and actually think through the decision to be made. In order to create the new road you have got to drive on it, A LOT. You are literally taking un-driven road and creating a new road. At the same time you are ignoring the old road at all costs. Now depending on which professional you ask, they will tell you it can take anywhere from around a dozen to several hundred attempts to create that new road (also called a neural pathway) depending on the method used. As you can see, we prefer play based methods which are shown to be far more effective than any other method. I will keep you informed on our process!

So we come full circle back to parking the car.

We tell the boys to park their car in the most frontal part of their brains and try to keep it there. When we see it slipping backward to the amygdala (usually by observing the warning signs of meltdown) we try to get them to take control and drive it back (regulate). Breathing techniques and emotional regulation are a HUGE part of this, but shhhh! DO NOT tell them, they would not be happy if they knew the games we play to regulate are actually helpful to their little brains.

Citation

Edwards, S.P. (May, 2005) The Amygdala: The Body’s Alarm Circuit 
Retrieved from: http://www.dana.org/Publications/Brainwork/Details.aspx?id=43615