Forced Stay At Home Mom

I left my job today.  I had been in a position that I fell in love with for almost a year, then I had to make a choice: my career or my family. I had to make the choice and of course I did the mom thing and I put my family in front of myself.

My last day was heart breaking. These girls have become my family. Every little girl with her anger and attitude. Every little girl with her emotional outbursts and poor emotional regulation. EVERY LITTLE GIRL.

For my final enrichment period the girls shared memories they had with me and I was broken. The little things these girls recalled, things I never thought twice about, these were the things they remembered. Days where I gave them a hug when they felt super depressed, checked up on them when I knew something was up and taught them things they needed. These are things I did as a part of my position and these are the things they remember.

Making the Difficult Choice

Making the choice between one family and another is a painful decision to make. I feel as though I lost 40 children. I know it makes me sound like a total jerk but I hate to think of what happens to them without me. I also hate to sit around the house waiting for the next thing to happen. The boys are now enrolled in school and on Monday I have to drive their medications up to the school, discuss all the needed services at the school and then take the boys to their doctor’s appointment. Afterward we all head home to start another day.

This is not something I wanted for myself. Honestly I wanted it all: the fulfilling career, the loving family, a satisfying social life and me perfectly balancing all of it. Now I am not sure what is left of me.